is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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