Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
