he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
