i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
