Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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