I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
