There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
