Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
