I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
