So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
