Swine flu. Run for my life!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
