I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
