U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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