We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
