Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
