I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
