You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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