Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
