I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
