T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want nice things and good sex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
