This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
