with your own penis?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
