That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize