We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
