She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
