i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
