Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Less talking, more tequila
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
