I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
