I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
