How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
