Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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