On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
