I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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