I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my moral compass just broke
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