Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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