i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize