Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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