She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
