I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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