Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
