I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
