I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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