Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
