im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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