We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
