I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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