This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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