it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
