the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
