good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
