I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
