I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
