he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
