Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
