His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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