i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
