drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
