apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
