You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
