recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
