I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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