You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
