He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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