and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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