So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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