guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We left the knife in your bed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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