I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
