if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize