Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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