Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
