I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
